Shared Parenting Europe — Every child has the right to both parents

Why this matters

Across Europe, thousands of children lose contact with a parent after separation or divorce. Sometimes this happens because of allegations that are later found to be unfounded. Sometimes it happens because children are formally questioned in custody proceedings in a way that effectively forces them to choose between their parents.

Research shows how harmful this is. Children in these situations are highly suggestible: they may appear to "choose" one parent, while in reality they want — and need — a relationship with both. No child should ever be placed in that position.

The case we are bringing

We are preparing a strategic legal case that we ultimately intend to bring before the European Court of Human Rights in Strasbourg. The case has two central aims:

Lost time must be restored

A parent who loses contact with their child because of unfounded allegations should be entitled to have that lost parenting time restored. The US state of Texas has already made this law. It discourages false allegations — and above all, it protects the child's bond with both parents.

No child should have to choose

We want to end the practice of formally hearing children in custody disputes in a way that asks them to pick a side. Children deserve to be protected from carrying that burden — it harms them and distorts the outcome of proceedings.

The story behind "lost time must be restored"

When an allegation is made against a parent in a custody dispute, contact between that parent and the child is often suspended while the allegation is investigated. That is understandable: authorities must take every allegation seriously. But investigations take months, sometimes years. And here is the injustice: when the investigation finds that the allegation was unfounded, the months or years of lost contact are simply gone. The parent is not compensated. The child's bond with that parent — built up over a lifetime — may be permanently damaged.

This creates a perverse incentive. In a high-conflict separation, an allegation can effectively pause the other parent's relationship with the child at no cost to the person making it. The system, designed to protect children, can be used as a weapon against them.

The US state of Texas has shown that there is another way. Under Texas Family Code § 157.168, courts can order additional parenting time to compensate for time that was wrongfully denied. Restoring lost time removes the reward for false allegations — and it tells every child: your relationship with both parents is protected.

The European Court of Human Rights has repeatedly held, under Article 8 of the European Convention (the right to respect for family life), that states must take effective measures to maintain and restore the bond between parents and children. We want the Court to take the next step: recognising that lost parent–child time resulting from unfounded allegations must be restored, not merely regretted.

What the research says

15–20%

of Dutch children lose all contact with their non-resident parent after divorce⁶

13.4%

of surveyed US parents report being alienated from one or more of their children — an estimated 22 million adults⁷

1 in 10

children of divorce face serious loyalty conflicts, estrangement or alienation⁶

Children are suggestible in legal settings. Decades of research on child witnesses shows that children — especially young children — are highly sensitive to suggestion and to the expectations of the adults questioning them.¹ When a child is formally heard in a custody dispute, the answer may reflect loyalty, pressure or fear rather than the child's true attachment. This is why we argue that children should not be placed in a position where they effectively choose between their parents.

Turning a child against a parent harms the child. Researchers describe parental alienating behaviours — one parent systematically undermining the child's relationship with the other — as a form of family violence with serious consequences for children's wellbeing, including anxiety, depression and damaged self-esteem that can persist into adulthood.² While scholars continue to debate terminology and diagnosis,³ there is broad agreement on the core point: a child's unjustified loss of a loving parent is harmful.

Children do better with both parents in their lives. A review of 60 studies found that children in shared physical custody had better outcomes than children in sole custody arrangements — independent of family income and parental conflict.⁴ A consensus report endorsed by 110 researchers reached similar conclusions for young children.⁵

Who we are

Shared Parenting Europe is an initiative of Stichting Euregional Innovation Center Vitality, a Dutch non-profit foundation working to strengthen the rights of children and parents during and after separation.

Taking a case from the national courts all the way to Strasbourg takes years of work and significant legal costs. That is why the initiative is financed through public crowdfunding: every donation goes directly towards the case.